“I’ve been burned to many times from the guys in my past. And when I find somebody new they don’t ever last. And every night I’m wishing, hoping that they’re only getting closer cause I, Oh I, wanna know you want to find you”

- MonicaMyLife, Anything (To Find You), New Life

Nowadays, it seems like everybody is willing to do any and everything to be in love. If that means growing a ENTIRE new head, stuffing their panties with couch cushions or taking penis enhancement pills, they’ll do it if it equates to “love”. Some women will move strangers into their homes expecting them to be a fathers to their children. Some men will marry women just because their PARENTS approved of them, yet, cheat on them the duration of the marriage. Oh, and let’s not forget about the gay man/woman that is ALWAYS willing relocated 1500 miles only after knowing their partner 2 weeks.

Unfortunetly, this behavior isn’t new to society and has been boiling under a cast iron pot for years. I was once told that when people “FALL in love” most tend to lose sight of common sense and the older I get, the more I find truth in that accusation. I often wonder, why do we sometime forget our primary focus when we’re in relationships? Why can’t we get the neccessary shit accomplished?

I remember being in what I THOUGHT was love. Nothing in the world mattered as long as my ‘boo-thang’ was sleeping next to me. During that time, I could care less about getting up and going to class in the morning. I didn’t care about finding a job that not only paid the bills but left extra for liesure. I was comfortable laying in the bed, sleeping, having sex and giving two-fucks about the people around us. Hell, we thought we were WINNING. After all, we had what most people wanted; love, contentment and the ultimate sacrifice.

The ‘ultimate sacrifice’ can be the fuel that catapults your success or the dynamite that destroys your mental, physical and spiritual awareness to the things that matter. Parents, the ‘ultimate sacrifice’ could make your children despise you because you put someone other than their biological parent first. Ladies, making the ‘ultimate sacrifice’ to change your physical appearence only makes people fall in love with the IMAGE you’re reflecting. Pretending to have the personality you THINK your mate is seeking only makes you look and sound like a fool. Most importantly, trying to love in order to gain approval from someone other than self is usually doomed for disaster.

Most of us dwell in focusing on fuck-shit the wrong thing. Instead of putting our education, careers or families in the forefront, we’d rather add dysfunction to the equation. Now unlike MonicaMyLife, I will not do ANYTHING to find you. I’ve placed limits on how I issue out my love coupons which can be voided at anytime. Sometimes doing anything, leaves you with absolutely nothing and though ”everybody needs love” (J-Hud voice) it doesnt neccessairly mean it has to be found in someone else. Do something different this time around, find love within self.

Self discovery is an adventure that could enhance your life more than anything or any person. You don’t need a man/woman in order to succeed and you don’t need to push your dreams aside in order to focus on the depths of “US”. All you need is YOU and changing the dynamic of self typically comes with consequences. Think twice the next time you consider ‘evolving’ because there is no better investment than self-investing.

“Maybe we oughta think twice, before we start something nice. No need to sacrifice the spice in our life ohhh,”

- Erykah Badu, Think Twice, Worldwide Underground Album

I officially moved to Dallas,TX in January of 2009 and was extremely excited about the move. I was embarking on a new career while still being surrounded by a couple of my best-friends from college. At the time, I was 23 years old and emotionally vulnerable yet still humble, eager and determined to prove to my deceased mother and father that I was a man who could take charge of my own life while setting an positive example for my younger siblings.

Though I had already officially migrated to Dallas, I was still in a unstable relationship with my ex-boyfriend. The two of us were struggling with clarity, infidelity and a untrustworthy stance of each other. Privately, we were emotionally ripping each other apart while publicly attempting to convince the world otherwise. I secretly think we hated each other, but then again, we needed each other which is sad? When our saga officially ended in February of 2009, many speculated that it ended earlier due to infidelities on his behalf I pretty much kept numb about it because I was a comatose state of emotion. It took prayer and soul searching to remove me from that situation. Shiiid, I even purchased a dog and she started to fill that emptiness I had long feared. And though at times my ex and I would revisit our yesterday, my focus remained on investing in own my emotional welfare which took several months after we officially separated. But when it was over, believe me, IT WAS OVAH!

Believe it or not, I have been on the market as a single man since that day (2 years to be exact). Of course I’ve dated other guys, hell, a couple them even resulted in ‘emotional flings’ that didn’t do anything except make things more complicated. Nonetheless, nothing ever resulted in fornication. Most guys I would date would always say:

“You’re weird,”

“I’ve never stayed overnight at a guys crib multiple times and not had   sex with them.” 

Truth is, I’ve been sexually attracted to all of the guys I have dated in Dallas, however, I refuse to create this reputation that will follow me beyond my existence. Not only that, I refuse to practice recreational sex that could lead to the extinction of my soul (HIV/AIDS/STD). I may sound “too perfect” for some to digest and maybe you’re right.

Maybe I need to start accepting the status quo. Maybe I need to get involved in a abusive relationship that drains the life out of me. Maybe I need to believe in every man I meet and allow them to force unprotected sex upon me to swap gift’s. Just Maybe, I need to dwell in misery. All of those behaviors seem to exemplify the norm nowadays only because many are trying to patch up scars from their yesteryear’s.  

It feels like most of the men I have encountered in Dallas (ages 20-45) have an emotional chip on they’re shoulder from childhood. Almost as if, they are searching for the father in you instead of embracing the love of you.

Cues Mary J. Blige ’Father In You’ from The Breakthrough, 2007.

No, I’m not delusional. I definitely understand many people have been inflicted with pain, betrayal and abandonment, however, that does not give them the authority to force that same demonic behavior on someone else’s life. If you’re unstable, get stable! If you’re unhappy, get happy. Don’t look for me to cure your pain because I am not a doctor or bishop.

I’m just a outspoken guy that has actually taken heed to the things that I encountered in my past and vowed to learn from them instead of following the traditional insanity route. I understand that I am not perfect but “I” for once in my life value my own self worth. I know what I am capable of obtaining and I won’t stop until I’m met with the individual that can display my simple characteristics.

A person who’s comfortable in their own shoes, not only striving to not only meet his/her goal but striving to exceed them, humorous and honest. Those are simple requests that any human with a soul should already possess. Tell ya the truth, I’m tired of holding on to a person for one positive trait while ignoring the other 50 negative attributes God has placed before my eyes. For the past (2) years I’ve been living by my rules and calling my own shots. And if & when I’m ready to share my personal playbook, best believe that individual will be remarkable and possess a light within that shines from Jupiter.

In no way am I asking for things that I don’t already exemplify but I know that I must stay ready so I don’t have to get ready when I’m approached with the next opportunity.

Cues Fantasia ’Falling In Love Tonight’ from Back To Me, 2010.